Behind His Eyes - Consequences Read online

  Claire had been to her lake. That’s where she was—while he was in her suite. She was there, among the flowers and water and beach and trees and all of the things she talked about. She wasn’t plotting to leave him. She wasn’t basking in some sense of betrayal. No, she was finding solace like only she could. She’d tried to tell him, tried to explain—and what had he done?

  His stomach heaved again and again. It was as if his body were trying to expel a part of himself—a part that was deep inside and needed to be gone, a part that Claire didn’t deserve.

  With a pounding in his temples like he’d never before known, Tony laid his head on the cool porcelain and closed his eyes. Time passed—he didn’t know much, but eventually voices could be heard from beyond his cloud. Painstakingly, he rose and walked to Claire’s shower. Turning on the water, he disrobed. As the steam filled the bathroom, he stepped under the scalding spray. Liquid fire assaulted his skin. He didn’t turn down the temperature. No, Tony wanted the pain—he needed it, he deserved it. When his body adapted, he turned the temperature up. It wasn’t until he heard the knock at the door that he even considered the amount of time he’d stood helplessly accepting the spray’s punishment.

  Stepping from the glass enclosure, he realized he’d not considered fresh clothes. It was then he heard the knock again accompanied by a voice. “Anton, I brought you some clothes. Dr. Leonard went downstairs to eat breakfast. If you’re done with your shower, let me give these to you and you can go down and join him. He’s finished his most recent examination.”

  Tony leaned his head against the wall and exhaled. Thank God he had Catherine. He’d never felt so helpless. Maybe that was how she’d felt at one time; he didn’t know. He just knew that if it were not for her, he’d be in a jail cell, or out on bond. Either way, she was his rock and he was so thankful they’d supported one another.

  When he opened the door slightly, he met Catherine’s gaze. “Thank you,” was all he could manage.

  She didn’t respond, other than to nod. It was enough. He couldn’t have taken her gloating nor her telling him that he’d let the whole thing with Claire get out of hand. He knew that. He needed Catherine’s support, and seeing her steady steel expression, that was exactly what she offered.

  Wiping the steam from Claire’s mirror, Tony’s reflection peered back at him. The unfamiliar image with reddened skin, cheeks and chin covered by a day’s beard growth, and tired eyes, wasn’t what taunted him. It was the tremendous invisible weight crushing his shoulders. The anxiety surrounding Claire’s recovery was more than psychological. It was physical, making standing difficult as his knees flexed. For a moment, Tony laid his head on the vanity and debated if he could go on. Then he remembered Claire’s fight—the fire he longed to see. The fire he knew was somewhere inside of her. If she could fight to get through this—no, as she fought to get through this—so would he. She needed him to be strong, needed him to be there for her—to help her. He wouldn’t let her down, not again. After a few minutes, Tony was down in the dining room, drinking a much-needed cup of coffee, and listening to Dr. Leonard.

  Over the next days, Dr. Leonard moved onto the estate. Catherine gave him a bedroom near Claire’s, which served as his makeshift office. He told most of his staff that he’d taken an unexpected leave to look after an ailing family member, and another private practitioner graciously agreed to see his patients. Only one member of his staff was enlightened to his true endeavor. She was his trusted nurse and assistant. Both medical professionals agreed to total confidentiality; however, Dr. Leonard maintained his legal responsibilities. Although he didn’t come out and say it, Tony knew exactly what he meant: if he could prove that Claire had been harmed by someone on the estate, he would report it.

  Dr. Leonard’s nurse didn’t stay at the estate, but she came and went with some frequency, bringing Dr. Leonard whatever he wanted from his office or from the hospital. She also assisted him with much of Claire’s care. She changed IV bags, gave medication, moved Claire so that she didn’t stay in one position too long, gave her bed baths, and changed her gown. At first, Dr. Leonard insisted on a hospital gown: it was easier access for his examinations, but Tony hated the sight of it. He immediately sent for nightgowns that buttoned up the front with long sleeves. Dr. Leonard could still have access for his exams, but Claire didn’t look as much like a patient.

  Even without the MRI, the doctor concluded that Claire’s initial unconsciousness was due to a blow to her head. There was no way of knowing the cause of that blow, only that evidence suggested that it had occurred. He immediately put her on additional medication to reduce swelling of her brain. Her medication also included something to keep her sedated. The doctor explained that it was for the best.

  Day after day, either Tony or Catherine sat by her side. They only left the room when Dr. Leonard or his nurse insisted. Even then, it was only for a short duration. The doctor couldn’t confirm that Claire could hear the world around her; nevertheless, Tony talked as much as he could. Everything felt wrong. Usually the suite was filled with the sound of Claire’s voice, and Tony found the silence deafening. Often he’d ask her to wake. “Claire, talk to us. Open your eyes.” Sometimes he’d read—usually things related to Rawlings Industries—but he continued to speak. The only time Tony allowed the blanket of quiet to cover the room was at night. He no longer slept with his head on her bed; instead, he had a large recliner brought to her bedside and slept there.

  For over a week, Tony relinquished full control of Rawlings Industries to his vice president, Tim. Tony asked Patricia to not contact him, unless it was a dire emergency. He received emails, and those, too, he’d read aloud. That was how he’d learned that the New York negotiations had finally resulted in a deal. Truthfully, he wasn’t happy. It was that deal that took him out of Chicago; it was that deal that left Claire alone. It was that deal that Tony held responsible for the condition of the woman before him. Despite years of work and hundreds of thousands of dollars, Tony emailed Tim and told him to sell off the investment and securities firm and to do it as soon as possible. He didn’t care what happened to the damn employees, their pensions, their benefits, or anything else. Anthony Rawlings wanted the damn firm out from under the Rawlings umbrella.

  As time passed, Claire’s bruises began to fade. Tony hoped and prayed that if the swelling on the outside was decreasing, that meant that the swelling on the inside was too. Claire’s IV now contained some kind of nutritional supplement. In essence, the nurse explained, Claire was being fed from the tube in her arm, and Tony hated it. Claire wasn’t that big to begin with; yet each day she seemed to shrink behind the nightgown and blankets. Multiple times a day he’d move her arms and legs as the nurse taught him to do. Each time he lifted her limbs, they felt lighter in his grasp. It was also during those times that he saw her otherwise covered bruises. The areas that used to be red first faded to blue/purple, and were turning green and yellow. Each time he was faced with these markings, Tony made himself see beyond the green discolorations. The only green he wanted to see was behind her lids.

  Although, Dr. Leonard warned that she might not ever wake, Tony refused to believe that. Claire’s eyes would open and when they did, she’d be coherent. The possible traumatic brain injury that the nurse discussed was nonsense. Claire was too strong for that.

  It took almost two weeks, but finally it happened. Slowly, Dr. Leonard had discontinued the medicine to keep Claire from waking. Since that time, there had been small signs of movement. Sometimes her lids fluttered or her fingers twitched, but then one afternoon with both Catherine and Tony present, her eyes opened and she looked right at Tony. He could hardly speak through his relief. Finally, he found his voice. “Claire, are you awake?”

  Catherine must have heard the change in his voice, because immediately she was at the other side of Claire’s bed. “Ms. Claire, please come back to us.”

  Tony spoke fast. “She opened her eyes. I saw it—just a second ago.” He reached for her
hand—it was still so cold. “Claire, can you hear me?” He continued speaking to Catherine, “Go get the doctor. He’s getting something to eat in the kitchen. Let him know she’s finally waking.” With a different tone, one of desperation and affection, he pleaded, “Claire, please open your eyes.”

  She obeyed, just as he’d taught her to do, but when she did, she immediately squinted. He jumped up and shut the heavy drapes. With only the light from the bedside stand, the colors within the suite muted, making her bruises less visible. Tony smiled as tenderly as he could and prayed that she would be able to talk. He didn’t want to think about the nurse’s warnings. Fighting back those thoughts, he lifted her hand and said, “It was too bright in here. I closed the drapes for you. Is that better?”

  Her mouth moved, but nothing came out. His chest tightened as a tear fell from her once again closed eyes.

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to talk,” he said, trying to reassure her. “Please open your eyes again. It’s so good to see your beautiful emerald eyes.” Tony didn’t know if it was his imagination, but her hand felt warmer. Her eyes opened and moved to the needle taped into the bend of her left arm. He explained, “That’s how you’ve been eating for almost two weeks, and it has some pain medicine too—to make you more comfortable.”

  Her expression went from uncertainty to—Tony wasn’t sure—terror? With her eyes open wide, he tried to reassure her by talking. After all, he’d been doing nothing but talk for over ten days; now he couldn’t seem to stop. “Can you remember what happened? You had an accident.”

  She stared.

  He wanted to know she understood. Did she even know who he was? What was she thinking? He continued, “You had an accident in the woods. When we found you, your jeans and boots were all muddy, and you had multiple injuries. Did you fall? Did you slip? Did someone or something out there hurt you? We’ve had the woods searched. Nothing was found.” He leaned toward her. “Claire, we’ve been so worried about you.”

  Catherine and Dr. Leonard rushed into the suite. Dr. Leonard pushed forward, toward his patient. Obviously, he was as concerned as everyone else with her cognitive abilities. So far, Tony didn’t know what to think. He only knew she was finally awake. He looked to the doctor and silently mouthed, “I don’t know.”

  “Ms. Nichols, I’m Dr. Leonard. I’ve been taking care of you since Mr. Rawlings found you in the woods. Can you talk to me?”

  Claire lifted her right hand to her throat.

  They all smiled; Claire was trying to communicate. The doctor spoke, “Catherine, could you please get Ms. Nichols some water?” When she returned, Dr. Leonard put the straw to Claire’s lips and commanded, “Drink slowly; your stomach has been empty for a while.”

  Claire began to sip.

  The doctor turned to Tony. “Mr. Rawlings, as you can imagine, this is a very good sign. Due to the length of time Ms. Nichols was unconscious, I was hesitant to make any predictions. I believe we have just passed an important juncture in her care and with that, my prognosis for her has greatly improved.” He removed the straw from her lips.

  “Please, that was so good,” Claire said. The room went silent. Everyone turned to her.

  Tony spoke first, “Claire, thank God. How do you feel?”

  “I feel—I feel—tired—and kind of dizzy.” Her voice quivered unsteadily.

  “Mr. Rawlings, I need to ask you and Catherine to allow Ms. Nichols some privacy while I examine her.”

  Catherine nodded and stood; however, Tony didn’t want to let go of Claire’s hand. He could gaze into her eyes forever. “Doctor, I can assure you, there is nothing I haven’t seen. I don’t believe Claire will mind if I stay.”

  “Mr. Rawlings, I realize you hired me; however, as a medical doctor, I need to see and speak to Ms. Nichols alone. You’ll be welcomed back as soon as we’re done.” Tony stared at Dr. Leonard. The doctor continued, “Mr. Rawlings, she is not related to you. We must allow her some privacy.”

  Tony knew that the doctor was right. It was that, as he released her hand, Tony had the ominous feeling that he’d never hold it again. All it would take was for Claire to tell Dr. Leonard the truth, and the judgment he’d weeks ago been willing to accept, would be his. For so long, he didn’t know if Claire would ever be able to tell the truth. Even now, he wasn’t sure if she remembered it, but something about the way she looked at him while they were alone, told him she did remember. He squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, Doctor,” he said to Dr. Leonard. “You’re right. It’s just that it’s been so long since she’s been awake. I don’t want to leave her.” Standing, he continued, “I will; I’ll be right outside the door. Please call me when you’re finished.” He then leaned over, kissed Claire on her forehead, and took one last long gaze into her beautiful green eyes.

  Catherine was waiting in the hallway. As soon as he shut the door, she said, “What are you going to do if she tells?”

  “What do you mean, what will I do? What choice do I have?”

  Their voices were a stage whisper as they walked away from Claire’s suite. “You have money. You have a lot of money. That money bought silence once before—it can do it again.”

  “Dr. Leonard already knows what happened. He’s all but told me.”

  Catherine stood taller. “Anton, think! You aren’t thinking straight. You refused to silence Claire—silence Dr. Leonard.”

  His eyes opened wide. “What the hell are you suggesting?”

  Catherine shook her head. “Not that. I’m suggesting money. Everyone has his price. Pull up the monitor on your phone and learn what she’s saying. Be prepared. For God’s sake, do you think your grandfather would have wanted you to come this far to lose everything because of one mistake with a Nichols girl?” She reached for his shoulders. “It was an accident. They happen. Stop berating yourself and act like the man Nathaniel knew you could be.” She took a deep breath. “Anton, I’ve seen that man. I know he’s there. I’ve watched him succeed against all odds. Look around you. You did this. You made Nathaniel’s fortune and more. You are Anton Rawls/Anthony Rawlings. Don’t let this derail everything.”

  He didn’t like what he was hearing, but now that Claire was all right, now that he knew she would survive, it was easier to take a step back. It was an accident. They’d been working too long and had too many triumphs to let it all unravel. He nodded and pulled the phone from his pocket. As he began to bring up the app, he thought about money. How much would this cost him? Catherine’s accident cost him a substantial payment each year. If he could pay for her mistake, he could pay for his own. Dr. Leonard did seem like a respectable doctor; nevertheless, money had enticed him to step away from his own practice for two weeks—if it could do that, the possibilities were limitless.

  The screen was small, yet when he held it out, both he and Catherine could see and hear. Claire was speaking, “… I’m very tired and my memories are fuzzy.”

  “It’s all right,” Dr. Leonard said. “Let me put your bed back.” He pushed the button to recline the bed and continued to inquire. “Now, please, what do you remember?”

  “Doctor, I’m going to get sick.” Claire sat up with a wince. The doctor grabbed a basin, and the water Claire had drunk came back up. Tony felt Catherine’s hand on his shoulder.

  “Miss Nichols, it’s okay. It’s normal—your stomach has been empty for too long. Ms. Nichols, your pain medicine has started to wear off. I’ll get you some more, but I want you to be thinking straight. Please tell me what happened.”

  Claire was now trembling and crying. Tony wanted to go back in the room. “I need to stop this. She isn’t strong enough right now. Why can’t he see that? He can do this another time.”

  “He can,” Catherine said. “That’s why he’s pushing. He’s hoping to catch her at her weakest.”

  Catherine’s words burned deep. She was right. Dr. Leonard came across as nice and trustworthy, but here was evidence of how methodical and dubious he truly was. Tony refocused on his screen. The
doctor gave Claire more water but instructed her to only rinse and spit into the basin. She began to speak, “I went for a walk in the woods … I like the woods … it rained the day before … and the ground was slippery in some spots … I made it into the woods fine … but I let it get dark … I watched the sun set … I remember it being crimson and beautiful.” She laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes.

  “Please continue, Ms. Nichols.”

  “So it was dark by the time I headed back to the house. I remember getting to the clearing—which is about forty-five minutes from here. The sun … I mean, the moon … was bright … I tried to get back … Catherine had dinner waiting for me.” Her words slowed and slurred.

  Tony started to move and Catherine touched his arm. “It’s too late,” she whispered.

  He nodded as his heart pounded rapidly in his chest. Dr. Leonard spoke softly. “Ms. Nichols, did you make it back to the house?”

  “I don’t remember.” Claire’s voice became stronger. “I remember slipping in the mud. There were roots and limbs. It was very dark under the trees. After that, I just don’t know.”

  “Please know, Ms. Nichols, anything you disclose to me is said in confidence. I’m bound by complete patient-doctor confidentiality.”

  “Doctor, I’m not sure what you’re asking me or what you’re implying, but I can’t remember what happened that night. Perhaps I hit my head?” Her eyes were open and brimming with tears. “Please, may I rest?”

  The look of surprise that Tony saw on Catherine’s face was surely a reflection of his own. For another moment, they both stood in silence.

  “Well then,” Catherine finally said, “congratulations, you did it. I doubted you, but you did it.”

  Tony put his phone in his pocket and fell against the corridor wall. “We did.”